Family Friday: Funny Friday!

A couple were admiring their garden from the kitchen window. The wife said: "Sooner or later, you're going to have to make a proper scarecrow to keep the birds off the flower beds."

"What's wrong with the one we've got?" asked the husband. 
"Nothing. But mother's arms are getting tired."

 An American man went on vacation to the Middle East with most of his family, including his mother-in-law. While they were visiting Jerusalem, the mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in hand, he went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangement to send the body back to the United States for proper burial. The Consul warned that to send a body back to the US for burial was an extremely expensive business and could cost as much as $10,000.          

"In most cases," advise the Consul, "the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. That would only cost $300."          

The man gave it some careful thought before answering: "I don't mind how much it's going to cost to send the body back home; that's what I want to do."          

The Consul remarked: "Considering the difference in price, you must have been extremely fond of your mother-in-law." 
"No, it's not that," said the man. "You see, there was a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance!"

    

A couple were going out for a rare night on the town. They put on their best clothes, called a cab, and put the cat out. The taxi arrived but as the couple walked out of the front door, the cat shot between their legs, back into the house and up the stairs. Knowing that the cat would wreck the house while they were gone, the husband ran upstairs to chase the cat out again while the wife waited in the taxi. 

Since she didn't want the cab driver to know that the house would be left unoccupied, the woman explained to him: "My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." 

A few minutes later, the husband reappeared and climbed into the taxi. 

"Sorry I took so long," he said. "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed, and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"